shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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