nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
