A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
