I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
