A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
