Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
