Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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