I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
