My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
