Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
