after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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