I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize