I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
