Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
