New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
