i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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