You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
