OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
