her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize