I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
