when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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