i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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