I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
