How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
