I am in a vortex of obligation.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
