Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
