That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
