Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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