I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
