I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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