dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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