you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You pole danced in your parka.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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