I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
