After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
