I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My bed smells like the plague
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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