make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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