FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
