Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You can't special order awesome
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
