He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
