When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
