I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
