your room smells of hookers.
And success
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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