my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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