i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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