At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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