I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize