OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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