Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
