We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
