dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
