The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
