4 words: hood of his car
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
