why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
