Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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