I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
