why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
