Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
