He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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