Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
