Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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