I smell stomach acid.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
