my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
