i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize