Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
