Non-Jews are for practice
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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