Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize