I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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