so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
