I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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