i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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