Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
