the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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